Police Monkeys

I spent the last few hours agonizing about my On Apple entry. Was it too serious? How was my prose? A bit tight if you ask me. Is there anything compelling in there to read? I don't think so, so basically I'm sucking it up. I need to redeem myself.

So I'm just going to put this out there. What I really want to talk about is that I see a future that includes Police Monkeys. View the video selection below -



Now behold my vision. We go to China and buy up all their chimps, the surly, chain smoking ones with vacant eyes. They just don't care any more. Chimps are pretty big and they're ridiculously strong, so we switch the collie dog in the video out for a mastiff. Next, we make monkey and dog flak jackets and special monkey night sticks, train them up and get ready for the next WTO protest riot.

Envision the scene: hundreds of over-privileged youth are marching down the street toward a line of officers, yelling slogans against prosperity and logical reasoning. Armored vans pull up, but we don't see the disgorged contents until the police cordon parts to reveal a battle line of mounted Police Monkeys, smoking and screaming and making rude gestures toward the protesters using Mandarin sign language. At the word of command the mastiffs bound forward, carrying their world-weary payload faster and faster toward the panicking throng. Monkeys leap off the backs of their mounts as they slam into the frenzied mass of dread locked and terrorized yuppie children, swinging the night sticks and tackling unfortunates.

And... scene. Tell me that wouldn't be the best thing ever. It would be so amazingly worth it to have a few cars torched or store-fronts wrecked up if it meant that we'd be able to watch slow-motion replays of monkey-hippie fisticuffs on the evening news. I'd get a Tivo for that. Or just watch it over and over again on YouTube a couple hours later. Awesome.